Here I am in Amsterdam on the left + Brazil on the right; addicted to adventure + travel since I was young. I think being the older child in my family, I naturally like a lot of alone time [because I am more used to that]. I can look back on my life [starting at a very young age] + see this continuous thread in me seeking adventures/moments alone; leaving my family every summer to go to camp starting at 8 years old + tearing out of my driveway every night immediately after dinner to go watch the sunset alone + traveling Europe without my family as early as 17 years old + living abroad throughout college + moving away for graduate school + still constantly craving travel… These things shaped me, they brought me closer to my authentic self. I wouldn’t have all of these beautiful experiences in my bones if I wasn’t comfortable being alone.
While I am constantly trying to instill security in my children through a modified version of attachment parenting [naps together + open/honest dialogue + loads of compassion/acceptance on them through this journey + extra time home in their comfort zone resting + playing + constantly giving them verbal affirmations], I do think it’s so important for my babes to feel comfortable + content in being alone. We spend most of our lives alone with ourselves! If we aren’t comfortable being alone, I think some major issues can come from that discomfort + fear of being alone. We can choose to do things we may not want to out of the sheer fear of being alone. We can shy away from our dreams because they may take a few lonely steps to get to that final destination. Our fears can dominate our choices to the point that we are no longer making any decisions for ourselves, therefore are not our authentic self.
Like most things in life, being comfortable alone is learned + practiced. I can encourage this or discourage this in my children. And I am the first to admit that I am guilty of asking Lennon a million questions about his day at school the moment he gets in the car instead of offering him quiet time to process his day if he’d like, giving him the iPad so I can return phone calls instead of giving him a puzzle, even adding another child to our family so he isn’t lonely when we die [morbid, I know, but true!].
Lately, I’ve been more conscious in trying to encourage my babes to become comfortable being alone. I want them to feel brave in pursuing anything + everything they want without needing someone to come along with them. I think those [sometimes difficult] moments are where you come in contact with your authentic self. And there’s no greater peace than being in tune with your true self without apprehension.
I loved this article on Mind + Body + Green: How to be alone (without being lonely)
I definitely reached a sweet spot [in my consciousness] in my late twenties. I mean, of course I did- I had no kids, I was in graduate school studying Buddhism in the middle of the beautiful Rocky Mountains, doing yoga for hours a day for my yoga certifications… It was the perfect recipe to bring me into the loveliest state of peace + perspective on life + a very calm place emotionally + a pretty consistent connection to my consciousness.
Since becoming a mama, I’ve been scrambling for that connection again. I’ve worked really hard, turning to all the things that used to raise my vibration; a clean diet + yoga + feeding my brain with knowledge + no alcohol + meditation + quality time with my tribe… I’ve come face to face with it, but haven’t really felt that sweet spot since becoming a mom. In July, I began meeting with Rebecca weekly + started reading The Conscious Parent. It has felt like a domino effect since July, a lot of hard work + the perfect series of events have brought me to a new place.
What I’ve realized is I’m a different person since I’ve had babies. The mama in me has new dreams + new fears + new pain + a new body I live in + new needs… that I had to make time to learn more about. That’s why I wasn’t connecting to my consciousness again, there was this giant piece of me I didn’t know + I wasn’t connecting with. I can’t say this process has been easy! I’ve had to go back + heal wounds from my childhood + make a huge effort to get to know myself as this new person, a mama. Thanks to Rebecca for holding me accountable, I’ve been taking much better care of myself; living a slower life, spending lots + lots of time outside, communicating my needs more openly + honestly with my man, staying on top of my holistic health [like acupuncture + adjustments at the chiropractor + clean diet + essential oils + existing in the present moment], making sure I eat more often, yoga daily, going on long walks, spending so much more time with my mama-tribe…
I’ve realized I need community more than ever. [This is a HUGE part of us moving back to our hometown.] I’ve been relentlessly indulging in my mama-tribe + have tapped into something new; a mama-consciousness. Something bigger than anything I’ve ever experienced. It feels powerful, yet still so raw + vulnerable. Of course this is major, I have the most badass + inspiring women cheering me on + supporting me [+ my babies] all hours of the day. They’ve played such a huge part in me learning to love myself as a mama. I’ve been pretty hard on myself since having babies. But being critical of myself did nothing but hinder me from being my authentic self. Which was painful. In this new acceptance, I have become such a better mama. So many of those things I did when I was judging myself harshly have simply dissipated in this new place. While I love how this feels [for myself], it’s been so amazing how it’s paved the way for me to be the mother I’ve always wanted to be for my boys. My heart has grown even more for them + my patience feels bottomless most of the time.
I wish for every mama to find her tribe, her village! It would be a revolution for future generations.
I love these words by Hannah at The Hushful, “There is a sisterhood within motherhood + that has become my village… This beautiful stage of life is where many women meet themselves, truly. A child is as new as his mother + both need nourishment, support, + a face or two who understand this new world in a way no other soul does. Motherhood cannot be done alone + was never done in such solitude as it is today. Women had a tribe of sisters to navigate raising children with. Our species was not as isolated as sometimes feel. We were not always so tired- or maybe we were, but our spirits were inspired, livened, + lit by one another. The Village needs a return. Mothers need it, fathers need it, our babies need it, + the Earth needs it.”
*beautiful photos by Choatehouse.