Being pregnant this time has been quite a different experience than the last. I must say, it’s been a little less magical. I feel my practical, more realistic thoughts are louder than those romantic fantasy thoughts I had with Lennon. Simply put, I know more this time and the awe + mystery of creating a baby for the first time with the love of my life has kinda subsided. The motivation for a second baby was more for Lennon, than Hussy + me. I know once Leo arrives, I will soon forget he is to serve any purpose for anyone but ME! hehe. I will be madly in love just like I was with Lennon + be totally engrossed with him. I can’t imagine that just yet, because I am so preoccupied with wrangling Lennon + my work.
When I was pregnant with Lennon, I quit my job at 6 months, and had no intention of looking for a job or returning back to grad school until Lennon was one year. Although I didn’t make it a full year, there was no pressure there. This time being pregnant with Leo, I have been invested in my photography business + my Modern Mama eCourse [launching in 3 weeks] more than ever. And have also been having a total blast with Lennon [I love three-years-old, by the way! Quite different from Lennon as a two-year-old]. I actually prefer the busyness of our lives, right now. As mentioned many times before, I thrive in the chaos + busy of an adventurous life. And that is exactly what we have, these days.
In fact, slowing down was one of the main reasons for my hesitation in having a second. [Yes! Papa Hussy + I took a while to round up the courage for a second baby!] The travels, which I am addicted to the most in our adventurous life, will be quite different with two children. I have traveling with one down to a science, and I’ve been hugely nervous about the changes + added difficulty of having two. [Just some honesty for ya!] So, I’ve actually gone pretty hard with this pregnancy, trying to get in as much traveling + work + fun with Lennon & Papa as I can. I still can’t believe some of the things I’ve done during this pregnancy, things I never would have dreamed of doing when I was pregnant with Lennon.
Although I have been very distracted with Lennon + work this pregnancy, I have had very similar [fearful] feelings as Leo bakes in my tummy. More than anything, I am anxious to see him + know that everything went well with his miraculous creation. That stress of the unknown is not something I am great at [control freak over here]! It is interesting to go back & read my blog posts about pregnancy with Lennon. This one is from this exact time of pregnancy, but with Lennon in my tummy, and I would use the same description this time. And this one cracks me up, because it took 5 months to even be comfortable with thinking back on pregnancy. I can totally relate to both of these posts with this pregnancy with Leo.
I decided to stop taking [photography] appointments after August 10. I am definitely to that point of major discomfort. Sleeping isn’t happening much because it is so uncomfortable to lay on my hips (the only position possible). And walking has gotten tough because I can hardly breathe while standing. And I don’t do well sitting still for long periods. So, we I am to that point where I want this baby out of my body. However, I know a newborn is going to be much more of a challenge than the physical strains of late pregnancy. I am having contractions on the regular. Unlike with Lennon though, I like to ignore them + wish them away. I don’t feel the same “kinda wishing he comes early.” I want him to bake away, and not come a single day early, because there’s nothing better than a healthy, giant fully baked baby and we still have plenty to do around here. I will be launching my eCourse in a few weeks, which will be so fun.
Baby will be here before we know it. It’s actually gone by very quickly, which is a total surprise to me. I am just going to nest my face off these last weeks, and truly soak up every second of Lennon + Papa Hussy without the distraction of full-time mommy to a newborn!
These are the last moments. Last moments of being a family of three. Last moments of only being Lennon’s mama. Last moments of ever being pregnant again. Last moments of stressing if everything is going fine with Leo’s baking. Last moments of knowing life without Leo Wolfe. It feels super scary. Super exciting.