5 May 2014

AN APPROPRIATE REALIZATION {for mother’s day week}

Watching Lennon grow + learn + evolve has been all exciting. Every new thing he’s done has made my heart soar to the sky. But last night felt different when I noticed his growth. It made me so sad, and I feel a little sadness over me today.
GREER INEZ-2 I was laying in bed with Lennon, last night, and had one of the most heart-wrenching realizations. And although I’ve heard moms say this shit my whole life, it still hurts so deep to experience it myself. My baby is no longer a baby. 
Sitting there next to my big boi, last night, I felt his long + lean arms. Rubbing his tummy, my fingers rippled over his muscles, not a soft, toddler belly. And the snuggles were fleeting. My hands were pretty quickly pushed away.
GREER INEZ-5Our night-time discussion was very different from the last time. He was much more mature + inquisitive during story time. He told me, I don’t want to go to sleep because I don’t want to stop thinking about all the fun things James + I are going to do at summer camp. We had to talk about ways to calm + slow down the mind to reach a state of rest. I loved it, because I love learning more about him as a person, he is so smart + funny. But it was also so sad that my moody, snuggly toddler is gone.
He still requested my night-time song [thankfully]:
I love you Lennon. Yes, I do. I love you, Lennon. Through and through.
You’re my baby. My baby boy. My sweetest thang. And my pride and joy.
I love you Lennon. Yes, I do. I love you, Lennon. Through and through.
You’re my baby. My baby boy. My sweetest thang. And my pride and joy.
but I am sure that was one of the last times I get to sing that to him.]
He finally fell asleep, and I walked back to my bed + cried as I thought about what a big boy Lennon has become. The worst part about this realization, is I’ve missed so many of my opportunities to relish in those sweet snuggles + silly giggles this last year of Lennon’s toddler-ville. I’ve been seriously blacked out on sweet Baby Leo Wolfe for at least 8+ months [but I have to add in those last months of pregnancy, because I was down for the count, baking Leo real hard.].  I just feel so heart-broken. The dramatic person I am, I feel like my baby was snatched outta my hands without warning.
Here’s my honest confession that I feel weird [maybe a little guilty] for admitting, I wish I wouldn’t have given into the pressure to make my kids close in age + waited to have Leo. That way I would have gotten to better soak up my last months with Lennon as a toddler. But hindsight’s 20/20, eh?!
*These are the kinds of fun subjects discussed in our MODERN MAMA online forum. The next one starting at the end of MAY. email hello@greerinez.com to get registered.

Comments

  • Ahh, the bitter sweet of growing and I’m right there with ya. While it’s so tough to see the joy in losing the toddlings, the inevitable is happening. You’ve done a wonderful job capturing Lennon’s life to this point and when you relive the descriptions and pictures, you will feel those familiar loving feelings like they’re current. As you do life, I think (even through the trials and fits) you find that the things that explode your heart, like you’ve experienced this far, just keep coming and strengthening. We grow to love them even more as they grow because we know them so much better. Those pushes away deserve a push and play right back. They don’t expect the reaction and it just keeps that playful bond so special. Those kisses they don’t want because they are too busy and we’re holding them back, are needed so badly when they need comforting. They know where to find that. No one can comfort a young boy like his mama can. It will be fun for you to see Lennon (and eventually, Leo) carry out the values you’ve instilled. It will be magical for you to watch him create the bonds with others that you’ve modeled. One day our boys will leave our nests but they will *always* need us too. To live in the moment helps us cherish each stage. Look forward and watch your little gifts grow with the new experiences you’ll share along the way. ~XO

    • By Mama Hussy on May 25, 2014 5:39 PM

      Oh Britt, I loved your words! Every bit of them. Thank you for instilling strength in me with these words. I have a deep sadness in my heart as I watch them grow. But you’re right, living in the moment keeps that sadness at bay. xxx

  • Oh you bet! I’m so glad it warmed your heart a bit. They sure are some adorable boys you have. Watch out Mama, they will be sought after! :)

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